Q U E S T I O N
by JoongStarr
Summary: My first KakuHidan fanfic. Kakuzu questions whether not Hidan will want to be with him for long. As far as he's concerned, they can't keep pretending he's not a monster. A stitched freak. KakuHidan


**A:N My first Kakuzu/Hidan fanfic. **

**Anyhell, hope you enjoy it. **

**NOTICE: I tried my best to check for typos && grammar mistakes but sometimes I just really suck at it so my bad. =~=**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto Shippuuden. **

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Kakuzu closed his eyes as water drenched his stitched skin under the shower. Today was supposed to be their day off but the older man instead ended up being absorbed in his work of calculating taxes and further expenses. Kakuzu sighed and continued scrubbing non existent grime off his body. That's all he seemed to do now: work and shower with barely any sleep. Even on his days off, that's all he did. It's not like he was depressed or anything. Worried would be more fitting to his current situation. Kakuzu **never** usuallyworriedabout anything except expenses and rarely even that because he knew he had that under control.

_It wasn't the money this time. _

Lately he found himself worrying about relationship things. He knew it was an odd subject to be concerned with since it was obvious that Hidan loved him more than what was necessary and in returned he also cared deeply for the Jashinist. But how long would they be able to keep it up? How long would they be able to keep pretending that he was not a monster? A 'rag doll' as some would put it. Hidan looked so much better than him. He could easily have anyone he wanted regardless of his foul and humorlessly disrespectful mouth.

Kakuzu shook his head, turned off the water and stepped out the shower, wrapping a towel around his slender waist and taking another to dry his hair with. He had been loosing weight recently. He was still toned and muscular but everything seemed much smaller. He could easily fit in one of Itachi's shirts now. After his hair was affectively dried to his liking he opened the bathroom door and immediately walked into the bedroom he shared with Hidan.

Seeing the albino male Kakuzu forced a barely noticeable smile as the two stood there in awkward silence.

Hidan cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" When he didn't get an answer he sighed and rolled his eyes. He didn't feel like fighting today which says a lot considering how much they usually go at each other's throats or at least say _something_ smart to get on the other's nerves. The fellow members saw through the act after some time no matter how well they each played their parts. Others outside the Akatsuki thought the two hated each other's guts. It wasn't out of hatred though. He loved the money obsessed bastard. He loved him so much that he decided to keep his mouth shut when he didn't get a reply in order to not upset the man. It pained him but still (putting his own feelings aside for once) he turned away, seizing the cold doorknob and gave the male a concerned smile and left down the hall.

Kakuzu watched the empty spot for a moment where Hidan once stood and ran a finger along the stitching across his cheek before slipping himself into a pair of black, lose fitting pants and charcoal grey beater (1). Since it was a day off he didn't bother to dress up in usual attire. Matter of fact, everyone had the day off, maybe even a week since Leader-sama requested that everyone lay low until things cool down before moving out to capture the remaining Jinchuuriki.

The stitched nin began to reach for his mask but stopped. He remembered Hidan telling him to quote unquote "Quit wearing that stupid piece of shit in the house". He honestly didn't see why Hidan would demand something like that. He should be grateful that he would cover up his face. Kakuzu wrenched his eyes shut and snapped them back open, giving himself a mental slap. He had to pull himself together. He was a damned S-RANK criminal for crying out loud. He shouldn't be sitting up here a pathetic mess, worrying about trivial things like love. He knew how positive Hidan felt about the way he looked now so it should stay that way in the future. Fuck, he hated feeling unsure.

It made him sick.

Kakuzu pulled his hair back, walking out the door, and down the hall ending up in the kitchen where the rest of the members were: eating, chatting, and laughing around the table.

Deidara was the first to notice him and waved loosely followed by other greetings and nods of acknowledgement.

Kakuzu said nothing and sat in a chair beside Hidan. His plate was already ready. That was one of the things about Akatsuki. They were like a family now or like close relatives to say the least. It was comforting in a sense. After a few moments of leaving his food untouched and feeling Hidan's heavy gaze bore into him he began to feel himself 'crack'. He didn't deserve for Hidan to look at him that way and to be so concerned because he was an ugly monster; a stitched freak. Kakuzu gripped in fork and his hand began to tremble. _"Things are going to change and … we'll hate each other's fucking guts." _Kakuzu lifted his gaze when he felt a warm hand creating smooth circles on his back. It was Hidan. _"How long are we going to pretend that I'm fine the way I am?" _His throat burned. He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't do something as pathetic as that. He hadn't cried since he was eight years old anyway.

Hidan lowered his voice and spoke uncharacteristically low ignoring the concerned glances from the others. "Kakuzu, is everything okay?" He stared intently at the demon eyed male. He knew something was wrong and it worried him. He just didn't know what to say or do that wouldn't cause him to blow up. Never in his time of knowing Kakuzu has he seen him in such a frustrated state as he's been in during these past ten days. It scared him even. He wanted to know what was wrong. "Kuzu, what the hell is wrong?" He wanted to know.

Everyone, except for Hidan, shared glances as they watched their teammate. No one knew what to say. They all kind of wanted to ask, "Are you alright?" But the answer to that was obvious. Aside from that, they had never seen Kakuzu show any other kind of expression apart from the usual stoic attitude, glare and anger combo so nothing was said.

Kakuzu looked around, struggling to look anywhere but into those fuchsia eyes. He felt like a complete idiot, breaking down in front of everybody like this … he couldn't. Just when he thought he collected himself enough he made a bad move. Kakuzu stared at Hidan and felt at a loss. He didn't have the strength to pull away. Suddenly, his eyes began to sting, his insides twisting around violently, and the tattered hair tie that was poorly wrapped around his hair fell onto the table causing black locks to cascade over his toned shoulders.

The albino grabbed his hand, speaking something he couldn't hear and that's when it happened. Kakuzu felt his defenses crumble and in a last ditch effort to save himself the humiliation he jerked his hand away from the light grasp and walked to his room, slamming it behind him with Hidan following not to far behind.

Hidan slammed the door open with just about as must force as Kakuzu used to close it and growled. He had enough. "Tch, Kakuzu, you piss me off because you're so fucking stubborn! Just tell me what the hell is wrong already so we can move on with our shitty lives!" Hidan glared and forced himself to take deep breaths in an unsuccessful attempt calm his nerves. He was about to say more until he heard something barely audible come from the male's mouth who was sitting on the edge of the bed. "What was that?" He asked and strode over to where his lover sat, kneeling down in front of him so his torso was between the other man's legs.

Kakuzu sighed, "I asked if everything was going to stay the same."

Hidan watched dumbfounded as Kakuzu looked away slightly and realization struck him. "Kuzu …" He began, "Why would you ask something as stupid as that?" He didn't know what else to say but suddenly he found himself becoming pissed off again. "Did some fucker tell you that?!" When said ninja looked away, Hidan placed a firm hold on his chin bringing their eyes back in contact with each other. Kakuzu didn't look as strong as he used to now that Hidan gave him a good once over. His collar bones showed. He was skinnier but thankfully still muscular; his eyes were dull and started to grow dark rings below them. He looked exhausted. Is this what Kakuzu had been so Jashin-damned depressed about? This meant that the older male questioned their relationship which didn't help to ease his anger. "Tch, Kakuzu!" He said in an exasperated tone. "If you don't talk to me I'm a beat it out of you. I might lose but you can't kill me so I'm gonna try."

"I'm ... ugly." To emphasize his point he trailed both of his palms down his face, and arms making sure to touch every flaw. "My eyes, face, body ... everything I am is ugly."

"Kuzu-chan ..." Hidan looked over to make sure their door was completely shut and drew his partner, rival, best friend, and lover into an embrace, running his fingers through those silky, black locks he loved to play with. "No ... No, you're not ugly. Kakuzu, believe me." Hidan frowned into the hug. He wasn't used to this. The Kakuzu he knew was strong, level headed, and confident.

_"We're doing it again. If we just face it then ... I can prepare myself. I need to be a fucking bastard when he says it."_ He thought to himself and could feel his throat constrict, nose burn. He was about to do that pointless thing that people do. _"If I know now then later I can say I don't give a fuck ... that he leaves me_." Kakuzu snapped his eyes shut as he breathed in Hidan's unique scent, somewhat comforting him and tears brimmed his demon eyes. Once he felt the salty droplets subsiding before they fell, he opened them again and studied the Jashinist rosary that dangled loosely around Hidan's pale neck. "How long are we going to keep bullshitting ourselves, Hidan?" His voice came out weaker and more broken up than he wanted it to. "That I'm not a monster ... One day you'll wake up and take a good look at me for the first time ... I mean a really good look ... and you'll not want to be with me. I'll make you sick."

"That's a lie." Hidan pulled back hurt. "That's a fucking lie and you know it! You know for a fact that I don't do any shit I don't wanna do unless I absolutely have to, not even for that jerk off, Pein. Hell Kakuzu, I HAVE taken a good look at you and I don't think anything is wrong! Seriously, if I looked at you anymore than I already do then I think my eyeballs would fall out of their damn sockets!"

Kakuzu gave an unsure glance which turned into a glare. Hidan was lying.

"If anything you're bullshitting yourself and you're bullshitting me into thinking that I don't love you! It's not going to work you bastard ..." Hidan traced one of the tattoos on Kakuzu's arm. "I do get sick when I look at you." He paused and continued quickly when Kakuzu's face changed from unsure to heartbroken. "My stomach starts feeling funny ... my heart flutters and all that crazy shit."

Hidan flushed and sucked on his bottom lip. "Tch, but whatever!" The albino reverted back to being serious. "I promise to Jashin-sama that I won't ever leave based on looks. You're the only person I've met who can be covered in stitches and still look good." Hidan stood up and sat on the twin sized bed beside the male. "Don't worry me like that again Kuzu."

Kakuzu sat for a moment still in shock as he let his brain process the huge load of information. Hidan had managed to spill his heart out to him in a matter of five minutes. He could see Hidan was telling the truth and he felt like a weight was lifted off his chest. Kakuzu ran his long fingers through his hair and leaned over capturing the other's mouth in a chaste, tender kiss as if to say, "sorry and thank you." He wouldn't be able to get rid of the idiot if he tried; which he has, plenty of times.

A few comfortable moments passed when Hidan began to notice Kakuzu's eyes droop and kept his gaze locked as the older male maneuvered to lay down on his back, breathing evening out. Slowly, Hidan tightened up the draw string on his loose sweat pants and laid next to Kakuzu, positioning his head on his lover's strong, beating chest. "You're tired Kuzu. Go to sleep. I'll have Deidara-_chan_ make something and bring it up to you."

"What's the problem with you making it?"

"Hell no, I hate cooking like some damn woman. That's their job anyway! That fake, pierced up angel needs to get sweaty once in a while and make some fucking food! Man, this is why we need more women. Besides, she calls herself and angel but what _angel_ joins a group of S-rank criminals and takes out entire nations?! Tch, that's retarded!"

"Shut-up Hidan."

"No, you shut the hell up! You're a godless bastard ..." Hidan trailed off and thought for a moment. "But um ... I can make something for you when I wake up from my nap."

"Hn"

"I love you." He felt his eye lids become heavy and his platinum locks grazed the man's shoulder.

"You too Hidan."

With closed eyes Hidan mentally pouted he still couldn't get the guy to say the "L" word yet as Kakuzu would call it; but he loved hearing the simple sentence "You too Hidan" regardless. Shit, if there was one thing he learned about Kakuzu from all these years of being with him is that he's a complete mystery, unsolvable puzzle and that's one of the many things he loved so much about him. The constant challenge. Hidan was there to stay and he was going to prove it. The platinum haired male yawned and sat up making sure Kakuzu was sleep before jumping off the bed and walking across their room. He headed for the door, turning the knob to head for the kitchen. He couldn't take a nap if he wanted the food to be ready by the time Kakuzu woke up. It's one of those things a lover did.

**OWARI **

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**Whew, I don't think I'm ever writing them again! KakuHidan fics are freaking hard! **

**Anyhell, please review. I could have been more descriptive in this fic but ... I dont know lol. It just didn't happen this time.**


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